Muddly Heated

I started to walk, taking a step at a time. The first steps were good and simple, but as I was trudging forward, the road is getting harder for me to carry on. The ground under my feet starts to get slippery, and I found myself finding my way out of it, moving in a fast pace. Moving in every chance I get before I sank my way into that soft deep mud.

I was successful on my first pace, I found my way out of the stubborn mud, though I still have the mud stuck into my feet, I still need to bear the uneasiness it brings. Then I figured, why am I so scared of the wet earth? What’s holding me back? For all its worth, it was just a plain simple mud, and at the end of the trek, it’ll be fine, and I’ll find a way to get rid of it, so what am I scared of? If I hold back now, I will never get through this, and I’ll be stuck in this slime longer than I should. I don’t want that, I can’t wait for anyone to help me get out of this dirt; there might not be anybody who would pass the road I just took.

I have prepared myself for another challenge of getting through this arduously, tough road. I took my slippers off, and started to walk barefoot. I walk not minding the mud delving into my toes. At times I slipped, but I refuse to stop. I cannot stop, and I will never give up until I end up at the rear end of this trek. I feel my sweat dripping down my face, racing down my body, and I feel the hot touch of sunlight penetrating on my skin, burning heat surging into me, causing me to feel pain. But I endured, I bear up the pain with every step, with every slip, thinking I will get by, and I have.

Linger on Today

Everyone is off to their homes and spend the entire time with families. Almost everyone in the office went home for the lent, as they say the best time to reflect and spend time with families, the time when one evaluate its being.

I remembered last year, during the lent, the entire family (except for dad who chose to stay home and finish some office works) spent the week at Eden Garden Resort in Davao, I enjoyed every moment of it, not just because of the feeling nature brings but it’s also heartwarming to be in the comfort of family once in a while, having to bond with my ever sassy sister and his sports-minded husband, my overprotective mom, my highly active brothers, and my sweet and charming nephews. At Easter Sunday, the entire family joined a family activity which is actually for kids, but since my nephews need assistance in egg hunting and some sort, the adults played along, (me included) and it was one of my best moments with family, too bad I won’t be home this time.

Queer that I’m looking back and realized how things have passed and how it has changed, and yet you continue to breathe on life, simply living every moment of it. And when everything has passed all you’d ever have are memories of that moment. I must say chances passes and soon it will just snap out of your grasp… if you are given that chance, take it for it might not pass your way again.

Suck it UP

I went home one evening, I found Rjay waiting by the door of my pad, seated on the couch. I was taken aback when he asked me if I’m okay, at that moment, I don’t quite know what to say, can’t even articulate how I feel. But just to finish the inquiry, I nodded and smiled. Unconvinced, he asked again, perhaps hoping I’ll answer him truthfully for the second time, and he tells me I seemed so different. As an excuse, I soothe him with an answer – “just tired, had a long day at the office.”

Knowing Rjay, he can be really stubborn; he’d always throw me questions until he gets a satisfying answer. I was indeed correct, coz after a while, during our movie marathon, out of nowhere, he spoke again, this time serious:

“I remembered, you were so happy to be where you are now, being able to have something to contribute, what happened?”

At that moment, I cannot give him any answer, I don’t know what to tell him, he continued:

“I don’t know what happen to you today but look back for a bit, remember that moment when you were so inspired to be able to do something not most people do… to be able to help directly to the community.”

At that moment, I opened up, “ever had that feeling when you thought this was all you want, because you were able to do worthwhile things but as it flows, things and situations does not seem to let you do the things you are called for?”

I saw him revealing a smile, and I remembered this moment way back at home when we were doing a film with Sherad Sanchez, then he uttered: “Suck it UP”

“suck it up, when things doesn’t go well,
Suck it up when sometimes people judge you
Suck it up when the world seem to be a big race for you
Suck it up when people doesn’t seem to believe you
Suck it up when all your efforts seemed useless
Whatever happens, suck it up, and live life.”

Weird but I was glad to have him at that moment, for once, I found myself listening to him. “Suck it up”. I looked at him again after quite some years… I thought to myself, clearly, this was the man I fell in love with some years ago, the impossible and stubborn, yet smart and thoughtful Rjay that I have always known. Thank you Rjay for being my angel that evening.

I’ll suck it up.

Beware of APRIL FOOL's Day Virus

Today, I was surprised to read the news and I feel that I should post this on my blog for everyone to be aware of the Conflicker worm which is said to strike on April 1, 2009, read on for the update -- source yahoo news:

WASHINGTON (AFP) - - The US Department of Homeland Security released a tool on Monday to detect whether a computer is infected by the Conficker worm.

The department, in a statement, said the detection tool for the Conficker worm, also known as DownAdUP, had been developed by the US Computer Emergency Readiness Team (US-CERT).

"While tools have existed for individual users, this is the only free tool -- and the most comprehensive one -- available for enterprises like federal and state government and private sector networks to determine the extent to which their systems are infected by this worm," said US-CERT director Mischel Kwon.

"Our experts at US-CERT are working around the clock to increase our capabilities to address the cyber risk to our nation's critical networks and systems, both from this threat and all others," he added.

The worm is suspected to have infected million of computers running the Windows operating system and Windows maker Microsoft has offered a 250,000 dollar bounty for those responsible for the worm.

US-CERT recommended that Windows users apply Microsoft security patch MS08-067 to help provide protection against the worm.

The patch is designed to prevent an attacker from remotely taking control of an infected computer system and installing additional malicious software.

Malware could be triggered to steal data, generate spam attacks or turn control of infected computers over to hackers amassing "zombie" machines into "botnet" armies.

The worm is programmed to modify itself on Wednesday, April Fool's Day, according to computer security specialists.

Conficker had been programmed to reach out to 250 websites daily to download commands from its masters, they said, but on Wednesday it will begin connecting with 50,000 websites daily for instructions.

The hackers behind the worm have yet to give it any specific orders.

"That's the interesting thing. The only thing the worm is being asked to do is to ask for further instructions," Steve Trilling, vice president of security firm Symantec, told the CBS program "60 Minutes" in a story aired on Sunday.

For You Brother

We grew up to be the best enemy,

Yet we were there to support each other

But circumstances lead us away

Both pacing on different path

Each has to grow at its own risk

Each has to learn the hard way

Experience taught us the hardest lesson so far

So hard that it causes a pang of pain

I wonder who’s to blame

When everything’s just not the same

Dear Brother,

Remember the good you have when you were young

Remember the joys we shared when we are one

Don’t allow them to ruin your mind

Remember that conviction when you want to stand

Believe in the good, believe in everything that is good

For all the destruction, in time shall pass.

Remember that you are always loved,

Don’t let your heart forget

The love you once knew

In our mother’s warmth

Turn Off Our Lights Tonight

As a support for saving mother earth, lets turn off our lights at 8:30 to 9:30 tonight, March 28, 2009. Lets give that hour for mother earth, let it rest and breathe for just an hour.

Is turning off the lights saves mother earth? No. but, it helps minimize the destruction. I say there is a way to go about having to do our part. And little by little, through our united effort, we can help save mother earth. Perhaps turning off the light for just an hour is a first step.

The Lake

The stillness of water scares me,
It seems everything is silenced,
and the deepness of the lake is revealed,
What lies beneath is undefined,
and it frightens me knowing there's no way of finding out,
but to sink unto its depthness